Kosher Sex by Shmuley Boteach

Author:Shmuley Boteach [Boteach, Shmuley]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-307-56784-0
Publisher: Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony
Published: 1999-04-27T16:00:00+00:00

He no play-a da game. He no make-a da rules.

Earl Butz, on the Pope’s strictures against contraception

QUESTION: What do you call people who use the rhythm method?

ANSWER: Parents.

Anonymous

When Jean-Marc and Lisa were opening their presents at their engagement party, everyone burst into laughter as they uncovered the present bought by his brother: a large white sheet with a very small hole in the middle and a fluorescent light in the shape of an arrow pointing to the hole with the words: “Insert here.” Jean-Marc was a law student who came from a secular Jewish home, but he had become observant. This had caused much consternation in his immediate family, where they feared that he would change and become a fundamentalist fanatic. His engagement to Lisa, a highly likable and not-too-observant Jewish girl, had abated their fears somewhat.

Jean-Marc did not see the humorous side to this joke. The tension in the family was already high because of his return to orthodox religion, and he yelled at his brother that he had ruined his engagement party. “Hey,” said his brother. “I’m not the one who chose a religion that uses such sheets.” Losing all trace of humor, Jean-Marc exploded and yelled that this sheet nonsense had no validity to it and was just another way to discredit religious Jews, and he looked to me for backup.

“Actually,” I said, “allowing a couple to have sex with a sheet with a hole in the middle is a very lenient Talmudic position. Some rabbis actually insist on the husband and wife donning full body armor before sex, while others take it a step further and mandate that the husband and wife be in separate rooms while having sex through a hole in the wall. Still other rabbis further to the right insist that they be in two different cities and have sex by fax.”

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